Banking for seniors...

This is an actual letter that was sent to abank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.


Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer,of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that briefwindow of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that where as I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1 To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

# 3. To transfer the call to my livingroom in case I am there.

# 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping

# 5.. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

# 6 To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

#7 To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

# 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

# 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

# 10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by an 86year old woman) 'YA JUST GOTTA LOVE ' US SENIORS' !!!!!

And remember; Don't make old ladies mad.They don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set them off.

Maybe we all should start to DEMAND CUSTOMER SERVICE??????

Go Grandma go

What I want to know is how far she got with her demands of the bank?

My wife and I are old enough to remember when someone at the bank would call to let you know that you needed to put money into your checking account so as not to bounce a check. Happened to my wife when she wrote out some checks but forgot to deposit my pay check and was called by a friendly person at the bank regarding the problem. -

But as my wife would say, that was then and it doesn't happen today because the neighborhood bank no longer exists. They have all been bought up by major banking corporations who don't really give a DAMN about the little guy.

Something I do that comes in handy is open two accounts with the bank... checking and savings and just put a few hundred dollars in your savings. And then ask them to link the account so that if you happen to overdraw your checking account it will pull the funds from the savings. This way it covers your ass and you don't get those god awful fines.

-D1-